While the ongoing research on divorce rates in the U.S. can be a confusing and tedious statistic to follow, most of us can agree, no matter what, divorce rates are high.
There are many reasons for divorce. It could be you all fell out of love, an affair was involved, or lifestyle changes occurred that made it difficult for you to have a spouse.
Whatever the reason, there’s always the hope the divorce goes smoothly. It’s unfortunate there is such a thing as a nasty divorce, but if it does happen to you, there are some tips for getting through it.
Make sure to keep reading to learn 10 tips on how you can get through a nasty divorce.
- Work Through the Bad Feelings
No divorce is going to feel good, no matter if you were the one who wanted it or not. You may experience overwhelming feelings of guilt, anxiety, and confusion. Your spouse may also be the one putting these feelings on you.
Even if you don’t feel good at the moment about leaving, you know what is best for you and the situation. Take time for some positive self-talk and reflect on why you are feeling certain things.
Don’t let your spouse or anyone else around you place shame on your shoulders for your decision. Make sure you are seeing a compassionate family lawyer who displays understanding when settling a divorce.
- Lean on Friends
When you can no longer lean on your spouse in the midst of a divorce, especially a nasty divorce, lean on your closest friends. Spend some time away from home going out to see a movie, grabbing a drink, or getting involved with a local volunteer group.
You can even reconnect with old friends you may have lost touch with during your marriage. Send them a message and ask to catch up on all your life happenings.
- Display Honesty
When speaking to your attorney, you should always be honest and open. This doesn’t have to include bashing the spouse you are separating from, but if he/she is creating an acrimonious divorce, let your attorney know what is happening.
During a divorce hearing, an attorney doesn’t want to be surprised with highly negative reports. It’s always best to be upfront when settling legal matters.
- Nurture Yourself
No divorce is easy on anyone involved. Because of this, self-care is important. If a divorce is particularly hostile, self-care will help keep you mentally strong.
Tap into some hobbies you may have let go of in your marriage. Do you enjoy creative outlets such as painting or photography? Or, should you try adventurous hobbies such as hiking or rock climbing?
Whatever you love doing, go do it. With all of the negative feelings coming from the hostile divorce, go out and surround yourself with plenty of positive feelings. This will keep you more level-headed and give you space to think.
- Think Before You Speak
If your spouse is saying hurtful and malicious things during a hostile divorce, it will be your natural response to come back just as aggressively. While this seems like it is okay at the moment, take a second to think before you speak.
Fighting fire with fire doesn’t always make for the best situation for anyone involved, especially if they are picking fights in front of your children. At the end of the day, you want to be the bigger person.
Staying calm and being slow to speak will keep you from saying things you don’t mean. Saying things we don’t mean often leads to guilt down the road. Save yourself the trouble.
- Focus on Your Children
Children, whether they understand what’s going on or not, will pick up on angry tones and negative body language. During a hostile divorce, spend time with your children.
They may start to feel unloved or like the difficult situation is their fault. Try to calmly explain what is going on if they are at an age that is acceptable. Let them know no matter what happens, they are still loved.
If part of the divorce process for you is settling guardianship over your children, make sure to pay attention to their wants and needs. This is a difficult time for them.
- Start Building Your Financial Future
When going through a separation with an unreasonable spouse, it’s safe to start building your own financial future. This is especially important if your spouse is the main income in the household.
Start building your credit score and putting extra money aside. When figuring out who gets what in the house, you may lose some of your favorite possessions.
Making sure you have plenty in your own savings account is never a bad idea.
- Have Patience
It’s hard to have patience when you’re in a tough spot. Unfortunately, a divorce can take a while to settle. Plus, once divorced, there are still months of adjustment that follow.
Take the process day by day and focus on a silver lining. The waiting stage can bring heavy thoughts, but take time each day to breathe and sort your priorities.
- Seek Counseling
If you are in need of counseling, seek a professional. This does not make you weak, it makes you stronger.
A hostile spouse can cause plenty of emotional damage that you may not comfortable discussing with friends. Seeking an unbiased, confidential source can greatly improve your mental space and prevent too much mental scarring down the road.
Seeking help when it’s needed is key to a healthy life.
- Improve Yourself
During a particularly hard time, improving yourself can improve the situation. Now that you are one step closer to being single, do something you’ve always needed to do.
If you gained weight during your marriage, sign up for a gym. If you never finished college because you married early, look into online classes.
Try to turn every situation into a growth period.
Get Through a Nasty Divorce
A nasty divorce is never easy for anyone involved. There are steps you can take to help get through the hard times a little more smoothly.
Between reconnecting with old friends, discovering new hobbies, and loving on your children, you can make it through this dark time. Focus on the silver lining and follow the tips above.
If you are in need of a law service or interested in a consultation, check out the rest of our site and contact us for more information.