The thought of separation down the line rarely occurs to anyone, especially when when you finally seal the deal with your better half and get married. Marriage is more than just an act of permanently moving in with your spouse; it is a legal commitment which can have lasting repercussions if not given the due importance it’s owed. Under a normal marriage, you’re expected to share the same house with your spouse, help with the payments of bills, raise your children (if any) and help with other responsibilities as one cohesive unit.
But what happens when things don’t go as you planned—when the concept of separation evolves from merely being an afterthought to an actual means of escape. What ensues then is a rollercoaster of an emotional ride, brewing up a storm which can engulf both your private and professional life.
One of the first steps which lends any tangible meaning to an impending separation is when your spouse (or rather former spouse) lawyers up. That is when things start to get real – issues such as alimony, spousal support and child custody start cropping up. There is the fear of you losing your condo, salary and even children to her (or him). The first line of efforts is often a reconciliation.
Efforts of reconciliation
The most obvious step you should take is to prevent things from getting out of hand. Try to seek professional marriage counseling and sort out your problems if they can be managed. Additionally, involve close friends or members of your family and your spouse’s that you trust to seek some needed arbitration. Usually, the best course of action is to seek mediation and getting back together.
However, at times, the seeds of hatred sprout up into a giant oak tree and the mere thought of your spouse sends you into a range of negative emotions, from depression, sadness and even to uncontrollable bouts of rage. This is when you should probably call it quits, and remove yourself from an unhealthy relationship before it destroys and ruins you. It is still better to wait out a year before filing for a divorce, perhaps the passage of time might mellow out your differences.
What the statistics say
A 2014 study carried out by the Office for National Statistics suggested that more than 40% of all couples end up getting divorced. Most people confuse sexual infidelity as the number one (or major) reason for most divorces. However, it really isn’t the case. Infidelity is usually the last straw, or just one of the reasons why most marriages fail. The underlying issues stem from much larger issues operating behind the scenes.
Family attorneys from Hardesty Law Office at Burleson TX suggest some of the following reasons for a failing marriage.
1) You just stop caring
What’s the one thing gluing you two together? Love and intimacy. Time has the power to undo even the most powerful of bonds – and love ends up falling as just another victim to the merciless flow of time. There comes a period in your lackluster marriage when you just stop caring and instead of getting your heart pacing your spouse simply makes you suffer from long bouts of boredom. If marriage feels like a prison which you must make a quick escape from and find someone else to fill that gaping hole where love used to exist, then you’re heading towards the inevitable.
2) Financial incompatibility
It was the looks, the charms, the attitude that got you hooked up in the first place. But when issues from the real-world started creeping in, the love fizzled out under the burden of financial responsibilities—think utility bills, maintenance costs, and other issues revolving around money. If you earn a six-figure income while your partner hides their unemployment under the guise of love – things tend to fall apart.
It could also be due to your partner’s spending habits. Their frequent unchecked shopping sprees not only leave a large hole under your wallet but also end up accruing crippling financial debt in the long run. That credit is not going to pay itself you know. As a result, you just want to separate yourself from your spouse.
3) Disagreements over petty conflicts
Petty issues such as not washing the dishwasher, keeping the toilet seat up, not closing the cabinet doors can actually devolve into heated arguments and debates. When couples start seeing through the cracks and flaws in each other’s personalities, they usually don’t like to what’s underneath the perfect exterior. Successful marriages however make light of such small differences and move on.
4) The children
Children are usually the one thing that keeps a marriage intact. The thought of your little ones going through the emotional trauma induced due to your separation often keeps most marriages intact. After all, it’s just better to aside your differences for the sake of the little ones. Once they grow out however, the glue keeping the marriage intact also comes undone and separations occur right after.
5) Losing your own individuality
Say you like playing video games but your spouse likes watching emotional soap operas, so you try to put up with their differing tastes. How long can you put up with their differing tastes? Personal incompatibility is one of the main reasons why marriages fall apart.
In the light of the above reasons not once did we mention sexual infidelity as a main reason for conflict. While extramarital relationships deal lethal blows to marriage, breaching the trust and scarring the love forever – they’re not why most couples seek divorce.
Things to watch out for in your lawyer
When you have finally decided to go through the cumbersome process of divorce proceedings, it is time to hire a lawyer. Some common characteristics to watch out for in lawyers are:
- good communication skills (no brainer)
- strong critical skills
Don’t just get dazzled by their degree, inspect them on a personal level. A good lawyer has the ability to turn the tide in your favor even though you might have a slightly weaker case. Meanwhile an inexperienced, immature lawyer will turn even a winning battle into a losing one.
The scary prospects of providing alimony to your spouse
The most dreaded part of any divorce proceedings is the alimony, especially when for the spouse who makes the bulk of the earning. The person on the receiving end of the alimony is the spouse who takes care of the house and children while sacrificing their professional lives for the well-being of the home. This little sacrifice is what entitles the lesser earning spouse to alimony.
The differences exist between you and your spouse, so please refrain from taking the emotional frustration out on your kids. This can lead to developmental issues for them which might surface later on in their life. Also, abstain from heated debates in front of your children.
Probably as stressful as alimony, you have literally no idea who the judge will decide in favor of. If you want your child to stay under your care until they become adults, it is imperative that you hire a professional family law attorney who will help you devise proper strategies to win it out in court. A judge will take in various factors before deciding the case in either one of your favor, some of these include:
- i) Your appearance in court
- ii) Proper documentation – perhaps even bringing up a previous criminal felony
iii) The state of your living, plus points if you have parents living with you
- iv) The age of children, younger ones are usually put under the care of their mothers especially if they are just newborn babies.
Often times, courts rule in the favor of a joint custody after deciding that neither one of the parents is worthy of possessing sole custody. In this case, it is important to come up with a proper written parenting plan to design a schedule which helps both the children and parents involved.